Weird 🃏 Jester’s Take

the FDA has jurisdiction over your playlist now. Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, Mary and Jessica have all lawyered up.

FDA Bans Use of Mambo No. 5

The FDA announced a countrywide ban on Lou Bega's 1999 hit "Mambo No. 5," with Acting Commissioner Kyle Diamantas calling it a bigger health threat than the food additives Red Dye No. 3 and Yellow 6 it suspended in 2025, and urging citizens to burn any physical copies. One man, Jack Stillman, said he lost his younger brother to the song after it appeared in "Iron Man 3" — the boy would only talk to girls named Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, Mary or Jessica. An FDA source said more '90s cringe bans are coming, with parents already requesting action on Chumbawamba and Rednex. At press time the agency filed an emergency order against Kid Rock.