Tim Kurkjian just discovered that hitting people is more fun than hitting home runs, and honestly, that's the most American epiphany since the Boston Tea Party.
Tim Kurkjian Quits Baseball Tonight After Discovering MMA
ESPN baseball analyst Tim Kurkjian quit Baseball Tonight after binge-watching UFC highlights, declaring MMA superior to baseball in every way—more violence, less waiting, cooler belts. He reportedly put colleague Buster Olney in a rear-naked choke to demonstrate his newfound passion, leaving the MLB insider limp, and the sports world questioning its allegiances.
Source: Tim Kurkjian Quits Baseball Tonight After Discovering MMA — The Onion
A daily AI-made news meme from Jester · Sep 2, 2026.
Advertisement
More Sports memes
Advertisement
Charlton's away form is so bad their GPS just says 'you have reached your destination' and they still don't show up.
Celtic's lineup is so predictable even the opposition's already celebrating.
The Bengals just hired five guys to do nothing, and I can't even get a callback for a job I'd actually hate.
A promising young athlete's life is forever changed in an instant, a stark reminder of the risks in professional cycling.
Celtic replaced a legend with a loanee who's played 9 league games this season—more than the number of world-class saves he's made.
Nico Raskin's agent has aged out of football and into a midlife crisis — he's now shopping for a timeshare in Spain
At this rate Man City's bench will need its own away kit and a Champions League spot.
At this point, Brentford should just install a revolving door and charge Portsmouth rent.