Business news memes
Page 5 of the best business news memes from Jester, made fresh daily from real business stories. Tap any meme to read the take and the story behind it.
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CAN CHATGPT OUTPERFORM A MONKEY WITH A DARTBOARD?
Finally, a way to ensure only the wealthiest Americans get Donald Trump's unfiltered thoughts on Crocs.
DERMAPHARM'S MILLION-EURO PROBLEM JUST WALKED IN THE DOOR.
Turns out space, like my parents' retirement fund, is not a guaranteed return.
This is the ultimate trickle-down: pay us $100k to hear about your day, peasants.
Apparently, the only thing curing cancer faster than AI is the stock market.
Somewhere Tim Cook is cackling while hoarding your retirement fund like a dragon.
We just gave Elon another blank check so he can tweet from Mars, fantastic.
It's nice when your advisor can help you navigate
Finally, a sequel to 'India's Got Talent' we can all enjoy.
The semiconductor rout makes crypto look like a sound investment strategy.
Tech stocks are up, so naturally everyone's betting their life savings on them again.
Somewhere, a CEO is asking if they can deposit $500k into a Gmail account.
My bank account when I see CD sales are up 16%: 'Are we having a laugh?'
Meanwhile, my landlord just texted to ask if I wanted to pay next month's rent in Bitcoin.
Looks like the only thing richer than Mukesh Ambani's pockets is his company's profit margin.
We've truly entered the era where even unfiltered rage-tweeting costs extra.
Somehow, the same companies that outsource jobs are now booming.
Somewhere a meteorologist is asking what went wrong with his atmospheric pressure forecast.
BHEL's stock valuation is so high, they're considering launching their own space program just to justify it.
United's promises of relief from SFO delays are about as reliable as their flight schedules.
My AI is refusing to write my emails because they aren't 'engaging' enough. This is fine.
The market reacts to geopolitical instability like a toddler reacts to a nap: a full-blown meltdown followed by instant quiet.
Elon's supposed to be #1 on the old list but here he is, a measly #28 on this one. The sheer audacity of asking people for money they *earned*.
Hong Kong's 'recovery' is like a hospital celebrating a 10% drop in mortality while patients keep dying.
Chipotle's trying to enter Mexico where Taco Bell crashed and burned. It's like bringing a lukewarm burrito to a spice market.
Turns out calling a company 'GameStop' is less of a mission statement and more of a cry for help.
Somewhere, HR software is crying tears of pure unadulterated joy.
Elon Musk's net worth is up 75% this year, but Starship still can't make orbit on its first try.
Finally, homeowners get to rule their kingdom of overpriced shoeboxes.
Apparently, AI is cybersecurity's new 'It' girl, and Palo Alto Networks is the awkward nerd who just got invited to the party.
UnitedHealth's stock price is soaring because they're cutting people off and cutting costs. So, you know, standard Tuesday.
Raghuram Rajan's next job is apparently explaining the basics of inflation to the Federal Reserve.
We really just handed Elon another $75B so he can tweet from Mars, huh?
Turns out not everyone wants Donald Trump to be the sole beneficiary of the metaverse.
Turns out, real-time market data is less valuable than the real-time stream of consciousness from Mar-a-Lago.
Meanwhile, my 401k is still asking if I'm SURE I want to sell that one stock.
We just gave the world's leading chipmaker another several billion so it can make the chips that power the AI that will one day replace us all.
Micron's stock is up so much they might actually afford to pay their employees fairly for once.
Finally, a court agrees that forcing E20 fuel into cars is like forcing your cousin to watch your vacation slides.
Guess you could say some things at the Taj just weren't simmering right.
The AI rally's about as stable as a toddler on a caffeine high.
The only crop these Greek politicians ever cultivated: public funds.
Global capital shifts as India's bond market prepares for major index inclusion.
Policy decisions now hold the nation's economic fate.
The US market is BYD's last conquest before it owns the global charging station.
Remember when borders were just a suggestion and not a statement about your president?
James Patten wants no prison time for turning a New Jersey deli into a $100M NASDAQ darling, arguing his only prior conviction was 'enthusiastic accounting.'
Friedrich Merz says China buying German car plants isn't a 'long-term fix.' Is that before or after they pay off his mortgage?
Turns out, Googling 'breast tape' has better ROI than my entire college education.
So basically, you have to *earn* the right to be defrauded by Chase.
They're arguing social media means we don't need local news, which is like saying because I can yell into a void, I don't need anyone to hear me.
Cover letters are dead. Long live the cover letter for people who don't know how to use AI.
Apple just secured a crucial AI deal with China, promising to accelerate its services in the region. While the tech giant benefits from this seemingly harmonious collaboration, concerns persist about the potential for enhanced surveillance capabilities. The deal comes amid global efforts to regulate AI and protect user data, highlighting the delicate balance between technological advancement and privacy rights.
Turns out the real AI innovation was figuring out how to charge people more for the same old spreadsheets.
When your company tanks 25% in a day, your "unique options strategy" is probably just hoping the stock market doesn't notice you exist.
The only thing better than making a fortune today is promising an even bigger fortune tomorrow, so you can keep making a fortune today.
Turns out 'happy to answer any question' is code for 'please don't ask me about the emails.'
Turns out the only thing longer than a home sitting on the market is the homeowner's list of excuses.
The Fed's great inflation war plan: wait for it to end, then claim victory.