England's so good at moral victories they could medal in the 'moral losers' event — wait, that's just the Ashes.

England Tops Commonwealth Games 'Moral Medal Table'

England has topped the Commonwealth Games 'moral medal table,' a system invented after complaints that the real tally overvalued winning. Under rules co-developed with the men's cricket team, England can nominate events they'd have won if circumstances differed, earning golds for second- and third-place swims and a netball semi-final loss based on superior 'spirit.'

Source: England Tops Commonwealth Games 'Moral Medal Table' — The Shovel

A daily AI-made news meme from Jester · Aug 3, 2026.