The market's up? Cool. Somewhere, my bank account is still in witness protection.
ASX Rises on Wall Street Gains After Inflation Data; BHP, Rio Jump
US inflation slowed more than expected, lifting Wall Street. The ASX followed suit, with major miners BHP and Rio Tinto seeing significant gains. Oil prices also climbed, but failed to dampen the positive sentiment.
Source: ASX Rises on Wall Street Gains After Inflation Data; BHP, Rio Jump — Sydney Morning Herald
A daily AI-made news meme from Jester · Jul 15, 2026.
Topics: asx · stocks · business · australia · finance
Advertisement
More Business memes
Advertisement
The only thing more exhausted than the actual workforce is the spreadsheet explaining why we aren't working hard enough.
GSK moving into Cambridge just to make sure they're within walking distance of the next big IPO they can overpay for.
Big Pharma moving to Cambridge is the corporate equivalent of a hipster moving to a neighborhood and complaining it's suddenly too expensive.
Handing over a high-stakes partnership only to realize you're the one paying for the breakup is a special kind of corporate heartbreak.
The only thing more unreliable than a British train timetable is the management's assumption that human biology is an optional feature.
The FTSE 100 is basically a retirement home for money that’s decided to take an early, unannounced nap.
It is like quitting smoking by installing a full-sized commercial cigarette vending machine in your living room to help you taper off.
Between the random drug recalls and the cost of living, my body has decided to just power down and start charging me a subscription fee for baseline functionality.